Remember when- uh, what?

Ann Dwornik

Memory is so elusive - a gossamer thing.  I keep a journal, and whenever I have gone back and read an entry, I am both delighted by reading about forgotten events, and dismayed at how much I’ve half-remembered, or outright forgotten.

My journal at times feels like a laundry list of the day and so, no surprise, I don’t remember all the details of the flotsam and jetsam of my life, but there are big events that slip away too.  Sheesh!

I remember reading an article comparing the memory scores of seniors to young folks, and the piece said that seniors functioned as well as the youngsters, if they used a memory prosthesis - a list.  Or, do I remember this correctly?  I’ve spent my life making lists and now there are more, including lists for my husband and the house.  Since I retired, I got myself a “day book” where I put my own lists and the bits and pieces of my day that use to float on the backs of envelops and on my desk. 

When I was at work, I received a shiny new agenda every year where I put everything for work and every personal appointment.  Now I have my day book and my Apple calendar and I think I’m being efficient and remembering everything.  I’m not sure, but I’ll put that as a question on a list in my day book.

Like many folks my age, I had been dealing with parents who were suffering cognitive decline.  This has been a sobering experience.  Not only was I dealing with the challenges of my parents’ problems, I wondered what would happen to me.  Would I lose my mind?  Have I adequately made plans for that possible outcome?  Would I be a burden to my children? 

For the most part my Mother was cheery and when she couldn’t remember things, she would sigh and say, “My memory has gone to hell in a hand basket.” 

Over the years that hand basket got to be plenty full.  Of course, things got scarier for my Mom, but she had strategies to manage different problems.  One of those strategies was that she would carry twenty dollar bills to pay for everything, so she wouldn’t have to make change.  Consequently, she would have a change purse full of coins that she would unload to various homeless guys on her route to the store.  It’s a strategy, not perfect, but who am I to judge?

A friend, a clinical psychologist who has done some work on memory, says that people often rely on a variety of clues to support their knowledge.  For example, I thought my Mother’s memory was good, or good enough, because she could navigate her way to the store, the bank and Tim Horton’s.  But when she moved to a new location, she was struggling.  I thought her memory had recently declined, but in fact it had been eroding all along, and it had just become more apparent because she had been forced to contend with new challenges.  This potential problem inspires the question, “Do you make those big changes before you become unable to manage them?”

I remember saying to my best friend that when we got old, between the two of us, we would be able to piece together the past.  That strategy seems fraught with problems because it is limited to those events that you share, and you don't always remember things the same way.  The old, “You wore red.”, “No, my dress was blue.”  Also, what if your friendship wanes, or the person moves away?

My latest solution is Siri.  I decided it was time to upgrade to a more sophisticated iPhone, although my 4G was adequate.  My thinking was that I wanted to improve my computing skills while I was still able to learn.  What I discovered was that Siri is like having an executive assistant.  “Hey, Siri, take a note...and “she” would!” Whatever random thought I had, I would ask Siri to ‘write it down’.  Even, “Siri, remind me to take the chicken out when I get home!”  No more forgetting.  Of course, Siri wouldn’t always get the note right.  “I hear that they are going straw-free”, became “I hear they’re a strawberry”!  

Also, I have to remember to check my notes, but it’s one of my tools.  As I get older, I hope there will be even more sophisticated computer accessories, so I will be better able to function.  Frankly, being a “cyborg senior” seems like a pretty good idea compared to having “my memory go to hell in a hand basket.”

Ann Dwornik

Here are some articles about coping with memory loss. From WebMD, Huffington Post, American Psychological Association