AI and The Lost Boys

Everyone starting out has to find their own way in life, but many young men seem to struggle. They may feel been beaten down by lousy job prospects or stagnant wages, or by watching curated stories of peer success on social media, or by dating apps where ‘connection’ depends on looks, status, or money. The insidious power of social media and digital interactions leaves many men without real-life support systems and connection to the real world, including friendships and/or romantic relationships. (Teacher/author Scott Galloway talks about this extensively).

Recent research from DatePsychology found that 45% of men ages 18 to 25 have never asked a woman out in person. The cliché about a young man living in isolation in his parents’ basement is based on reality. Many become so disillusioned with building a life that seems unattainable that seek a sense of connection or belonging in other ways.  

Enter AI ‘companions’, on-line avatars in the form of young, traditionally attractive women (mostly) that offer a life-like simulation of intimacy and acceptance. A companion doesn’t judge by looks, confidence or talent, and will respond to whatever you want to discuss: your thoughts, your dreams, your doubts. On some level, users know it’s a simulation of acceptance; on other levels, it’s still a connection, heady stuff if you’ve never had that validation.   

To an outsider, the dangers are obvious, from giving up seeking real-life relationships to losing real-life social skills. And research suggests there is a very real danger that many young men seeking connection on-line will slide down digital rabbit holes into the “manosphere”, an often-sordid corner of the Internet where men can be men, and not have to actually be involved with the rest of the world, especially the part inhabited by women. And in that kind of place, harmful advice and hateful attitudes toward women very often flourishes.

To be clear, women also interact with ‘companions’. But women have better communications skills than young men, and they are generally much better off socially (and increasingly, they are better off fiscally). And young men often succumb to the false narratives of social media ‘comparison culture’; far easier to withdraw from face-to-face interaction and live a fantasy life on-line (another example: gaming communities). It can become compulsive, chronic, a habit- the very definition of an addiction. Anyone can create their own world on-line, from personalized avatars to building a fantasy forever home (or ‘sooth nest’) in which to hang out. You can build a virtual life around your pretty, acquiescent companion, including planning a virtual vacation together.

AI companionship is not going away. Young men are often the early adopters of tech trends that spread into every corner of the connected world (which is the whole world). As society ages, as older folks lose friends or family, they may turn en masse to AI for emotional support and companionship. For people without other options, or for those isolated by health issues or geography, AI ‘companionship’ or simply AI-assisted connection (if you want to call it that) may offer comfort. The trick will be in the context, whether using AI for connection that enriches your life, or using it to replace the face-to-face experiences of the real world.

Tom New Dec. 2025